How the Purity Movement Affected My Life

For a couple weeks now, Christian websites and news sources (and even some secular news outlets) have covered what is going on in the life of Joshua Harris, the author of the controversial book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. (I don’t want to comment on his recent life choices here, except to say that I believe he needs people to pray for him.) This made me start to think about how the purity movement affected my life.

As a teenager, I was a committed Christian who loved the Lord and wanted more than anything to do what pleased him. I took to heart Joseph’s words in Genesis 39, “How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (v. 9) I carried my Bible to school every day and people knew me as “that Christian girl.” I see the evidence of God’s grace at that time in my life maybe more than any other as he gently grew me in wisdom, faith, and trust. All the praise and glory goes to him! I know it was him and only him who upheld me through those tumultuous teenage years and gave me the ability keep the commitments I made as a young Christian.

I remember when I Kissed Dating Goodbye hit the shelves of Christian bookstores in 1997. My friends read the book and encouraged me to do the same, even when I was in college years later. To this day I’ve still never read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, although I do understand the principles outlined within it. Up until a few years ago, I believed dating wasn’t a viable option for Christians. My opinion changed as I watched some of my friends navigate how to meet someone as an adult. Christians can absolutely date for the glory of God, but it takes wisdom, setting intentional boundaries, and lots of accountability.

The part of the purity movement that really resonated with me was the True Love Waits campaign, started by the Southern Baptist Convention in 1993. After seeing an advertisement for a True Love Waits ring in Brio magazine sometime in middle school, I decided to buy my own. Like my friends encouraged me to read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, I encouraged others to wear their own rings or at least make their own commitments to sexual purity. I even inspired a friend of mine in college to buy her own True Love Waits ring. I wore my by now scratched-up metal ring until my wedding day eleven years ago, at which point I gave the ring to my husband. He had no idea what to do with it, so I think it ended up in a drawer in our house somewhere. I actually think I found it not too long ago. I don’t share that information with you to disparage my husband, but to point out that the commitment behind the ring matters more than the ring itself. He cared about my love for Jesus instead of a piece of jewelry.

Even though the True Love Waits movement has a specifically defined pledge, I would imagine wearing a True Love Waits ring means different things to different people. For me, wearing the True Love Waits ring meant following the standards for sexual purity that God gives us in the Bible. We are to not commit adultery [1], and we are to flee from sexual immorality [2]. The word “flee” doesn’t imply that we get as close to sexual immorality as we can. Rather, we must run as fast as we can the other way, towards God and his goodness instead of our own sinful desires. In other words, purity isn’t a line we can skirt or list of rules to follow, but a way of life where we seek after God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. God faithfully taught me how to follow him in these areas of my life as I thought through them and sought to daily live them out.

Overall, the purity movement had a very positive affect on my life, although I know the same isn’t true for all of us who were young at the time. At best, the movement required Christians to consider what being sexually pure means, how that looks in daily life, and how we can honor God through our thoughts and actions. At worst, the movement was a legalistic campaign trying to convince unsuspecting teenagers to make a commitment to something they didn’t really value, but promised a happy ending if they followed all the rules. The difference probably depended on how churches presented the issue of sexual purity and why they participated in the purity movement in the first place. Churches went astray as they taught sexual purity for the sake of sexual purity instead of sexual purity for the glory of God.

As Christians, we find our hope in Christ, not a purity pledge or keeping a list of demanding rules. I think that’s what we need to remember when we consider the purity movement, and what I hope Joshua Harris realizes someday. We must strive for holiness, but we must also remember that we won’t achieve perfection in this lifetime. When we do sin, we find forgiveness in Jesus and a gracious God who loves his children. “Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” [3]

[1] Exodus 20:14
[2] 1 Corinthians 6:18
[3] Matthew 11:28