How to Return to the Land of the Living, with Strength and Courage

Througout my struggles with anxiety and depression, I’ve found frequent help in the Psalms. While King David did not suffer from PPD/A, he did experience times of depression, such as when he fled from Saul as a young man and then later in life when he fled from his own son. King David also experienced times of anxiety. I know exactly how David feels when he writes, “I am poured out like water; and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax; it is melted within my breast; my strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to my jaws; you lay me in the dust of death” (Psalm 22:14-15).

The Psalms also parallel my feelings about rejoicing in God despite all the trials that pursue me like roaring lions. God is worthy of praise, all the time, and in every circumstance. His goodness and love are infinite. Psalm 33:3 says, “O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol; you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.” Later in Psalm 33, David says, “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!” (vv. 11-12) God filled the Psalms with big emotions to help us learn how to resolve our big emotions, doubts, and fears.

Right now, I’m memorizing Psalm 27:13-14:

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living!
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and let your heart take courage;
Wait for the Lord!

I see so much application in these verses for those of us who struggle with depression and anxiety. When my depression was at its worst, I felt like I was living in the land of the dead. Everything around me seemed like a cheap imitation of the real thing. Have you seen The Lord of the Rings movies made by Peter Jackson? The world looked to me like it did to Frodo when he was wearing the ring: everything was wreathed in shadow, not quite itself, and hard to see. I stumbled forward, hoping the darkness wouldn’t catch me once and for all.

I needed the encouragement Psalm 27 gives us: “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. ” I had to hope that eventually the shadows would turn into real, living things again. I had to believe that eventually the ring would fall from my finger and I would be able to see clearly. I had to trust that eventually God would bring me through the dark valleys I wandered and into the land of the living. And he did, through time and hard work and reliance on Jesus’ healing grace. I kept my eyes on his goodness, and eventually I looked upon it not in the valley of the shadow of death, but in the land of the living.

Recovering from depression and anxiety involves strength and courage, as the Psalm says. Our strength and courage, however, do not come from within ourselves. They come from Jesus, the living Word. I found strength and courage in repeating the words of the Bible to myself daily. Here are some verses that were in my repertoire, a few from the Psalms and a couple from other books:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4

If David walked through the valley of the shadow of death and came out on the other side, I can, too.

Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
and for as many years as we have seen evil.
Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us,
and establish the work of our hands upon us;
yes, establish the work of our hands.
Psalm 90:15, 17

God redeems the days that we might see as lost. No time is lost to him. “The Year of the Locust” is one of my favorite songs by Andrew Osenga. During the chorus, he says, “And the spirit moves upon the waters/Take comfort and rest/In the heart is an uncivil war and you’re taking a beating/Blood red on your chest/He will restore the years the locusts have eaten/We’re aching for Eden.” This is all so true. Emotions are a battleground, but God restores and establishes us. He creates hope where there is none. I prayed along with the Psalmist that God would restore my years soon. Knowing God heard this prayer of mine (and the Psalmist’s) gave me strength.

Some went down to the sea in ships,
doing business on the great waters;
they saw the deeds of the Lord,
his wondrous works in the deep.
For he commanded and raised the stormy wind,
which lifted up the waves of the sea.
They mounted up to heaven;
they went down to the depths;
their courage melted away in their evil plight;
they reeled and staggered like drunken men
and were at their wits’ end.
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He made the storm be still,
and the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad that the waters were quiet,
and he brought them to their desired haven.
Psalm 107:23-30

Psalm 107 contains three different stories about God’s protection. Ultimately, despite all the storms we might pass through, God will bring us to the best and most desired haven: eternal life with him. Our courage may fail, but God’s power never does.

For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.
2 Corinthians 1:8-10

Despairing of life and wanting to end life are two different things entirely. I can look forward to this life of trials and suffering being over, without actually hoping to end it sooner. God numbers my days–not me. These verses made me feel like I was not alone–even the disciples felt weary. God delivered them despite their human weakness. He’ll do the same for me, too.

But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13b-14

These verses kept me pressing on, moving forward, even when I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed. My goal in this life as a Christian is to seek after the prize, the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. That’s where I must direct my eyes, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. “I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord” as the old hymn says. These verses gave me a goal that I could pursue no matter how I felt that day.

If you’re wading through the soul-sucking mire of depression and anxiety, do whatever you can to keep the Scriptures on your mind and therefore close to your heart. “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intetntions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). Meditate on them, write them on notecards to read in times of stress and doubt, post them on sticky notes around your house, write music to go along with them so you can sing them to yourself over and over again–do whatever you can to keep the words of Jesus near.

You will look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living again. I hope that the sun breaks through the clouds sooner rather than later, and that your desired haven is closer than you think. Jesus is with you. He is faithful, and he will never leave your side.