Ideas and Commands

Maybe every parent struggles with this concept, or maybe just me, but when I reprimand my children I generally reprimand them with abstract ideas instead of a concrete commands. Here’s a quick example:

Samuel and Ruthie were playing with bubbles out on the deck at the cabin. I encouraged Samuel to share the bubble wand with Ruthie. To a five-year-old boy, this probably seemed more like an abstract idea than a concrete command. I bet he wondered something like, “Why do I have to share? And how do I share with someone who doesn’t even know how to use a bubble wand? Does Mom even know what she’s talking about?!”

Shortly after I asked him to share, he took the bubble wand out of the container instead of giving Ruthie her turn. He explained that he should be the one to use the bubble wand because Ruthie isn’t strong enough to blow bubbles. (Cute, but not exactly correct.) This time, I gave Samuel a concrete command: Give your sister the bubble wand! Samuel easily understood this admonition and listened right away. Peace was restored, and both kids played well together until we ate lunch.

I even notice the difference between the abstract and the concrete when I homeschool. I ask Samuel abstract questions about the material we study and get concrete questions in return. Samuel, why do you think the Vikings traveled so much? Momma, what are we having for dinner?

I think this tendency of mine to share abstract ideas rather than give definite commands reflects a failure to see through the eyes of my children. Young children see the world as concrete, black-and-white thinkers. They don’t comprehend or even view the gray areas of life or the areas where God calls us to use our consciences instead of a list of rules. This reminds me of 1 Corinthians 13: “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways” (v. 11). As we grow older, we start to think like older people. We see the world differently than we did when we were young. This good and right growth in maturity can also make parenting more challenging.

This is just another way God sanctifies us through our parenting. We must become all things to all people [1], which might mean enjoying a tea party with My Little Ponies or participating in the demise-by-shark-attack of peaceful, plastic people sailing on a boat. We learn about our children as we play. We become aware of the ways God is working in their hearts and we also become aware of the sins that could take hold and grow extensively in their lives. The more time I spend around my children, the better I know how to discipline and encourage them.

I look forward to getting to know my children as they get older, play differently, and start to ask more questions. God’s thoughts are so much higher than ours, and yet he lovingly and graciously bears with us in our lack of understanding and slow growth. [2] Likewise, I must bear with my children as they gradually transition from concrete to abstract thinking. I’m sure this takes time and copious amounts of patience, and I’m thankful to serve a Savior who will provide both!

[1] 1 Corinthians 9:22
[2] See Job 38-42 for a beautiful example