Love Like You Mean It: Practical Help from 1 Corinthians 13

I love reading books by authors who take their ideas directly from Scripture in the order in which they appear in Scripture. Bob Lepine does just that in Love Like You Mean It. Lepine begins at the first verse of 1 Corinthians 13 and explains each descriptor of love in the order in which Paul wrote them. Each chapter includes real-life examples from married couples, too. This always ends up being one of my favorite parts of any book about Christian living.

What practical help did I find in the book?

One thing Lepine does really well is write short and practical sentences–sentences that you can easily remember later on, such as “Patience is not the same as passivity.” [1] He sprinkles these throughout each chapter and often uses them to introduce a new idea at the beginning of a paragraph or to summarize the idea at the end of a paragraph. I watched for these short sentences while reading the rest of the book once I figured out he uses this writing technique. I’ve committed a few of them to memory and already find them helpful.

As I mentioned in the introduction, Lepine uses 1 Corinthians 13 as the outline for Love Like You Mean It. I realized that I had memorized 1 Corinthians 13 by the end of the book and could give a solid definition of each descriptor of love. This will not only help me in marriage, but also in raising children. I can’t show my husband kindness or teach my children how to show kindness unless I can first define the word–obviously! But I can’t count the number of times Samuel has asked me to define a word and I stumble through the definition somehow expecting him to fill in the gaps. Now I can triumphantly say, “Kindness is love in work clothes.” [2] Or, as Lepine explains, kindness is love in action. “It’s the glue that holds couples together.” [3]

This next point needs some personal background.

I grew up during the height of the True Love Waits movement (I wrote about my experience here.) The ideas that shaped the True Love Waits movement followed me and my peers into college. This made for some very interesting beliefs, such as the idea that women will only tempt you to sin and should be avoided if possible. I also had girl friends who avoided each other on purpose because when they were around each other they felt jealous. They chose to avoid these feelings altogether rather than resolve them in a biblical way. The idea that we should avoid any and all situations that might cause us to sin never completely made sense to me. I struggle with overeating. Does that mean I should avoid eating? I can’t do that, so what do I do?

I appreciate what Bob Lepine says in the chapter “Keep Calm and Keep Loving: Love is Unflappable” for all those reasons. He says,

“One strategy for dealing with any habitual sin pattern is to avoid as best we can the circumstances that trigger it. And when those circumstances can’t be avoided, we need to make sure we have our spiritual armor on (Eph. 6:10-20). We have to prepare ourselves spiritually as we enter into an environment where in the past we have been provoked to sin.” [4]

This advice contains so much wisdom. Lepine recognizes that avoidance doesn’t work best in every situation and may even further exasperate the situation. If we argue with our spouse and feel angry or bitter afterward, we can’t just push those feelings deep down inside and hope they never resurface. They will resurface. They might come back even stronger than they were before. Conflict needs resolution, not avoidance. We are ready for battle–and resolution–when we put on the whole armor of God.

How would I improve the book?

Lepine includes “Talk Together” boxes throughout each chapter. He intends for couples to answer the questions in the box, thereby talking through the section they’ve just read. I like the content of the “Talk Together” boxes, but often found their placement cumbersome and confusing.

For example, in the chapter “An Odd Place to Begin: Love Is Patient” Lepine tells the story of a woman whose husband was controlling and didn’t realize how his behavior affected his wife until he saw his sons treating her the same way he did. Lepine discusses how the woman showed great patience by bearing with her husband even though he sinned against her. Eventually the husband repented and thanked his wife for her patience. As I read this section, I kept wondering, “But what about situations that involve abuse?” The section abruptly ended with a “Talk Together” box and I felt bewildered that he didn’t touch on abuse at all. Well, he discusses abuse in the next section, but I didn’t know that until after I read through the questions in the “Talk Together” box.

I think readers could make better use of the questions in the “Talk Together” boxes if they appeared at the end of each chapter or at least less frequently throughout each chapter. They often break up important ideas that need to be read and discussed together instead of apart. I eventually started to skip the “Talk Together” boxes altogether because they altered my view of the content of the book, which really is excellent overall.

Conclusion

I do recommend Love Like You Mean It. I gleaned practical help for marriage (and parenting) from every chapter. I don’t necessarily think Lepine brings any new information to the stack of marriage books already available, but he does stand above the rest because his ideas come directly from Scripture. He skillfully shows his readers how 1 Corinthians 13 defines true love and provides help and hope for all marriages. I couldn’t ask for anything better in a book about love, marriage, and family!

[1] pg. 36
[2] pg. 47
[3] pg. 57
[4] pg. 128

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Thank you to B&H Publishing for providing me with a free copy of Love Like You Mean It in exchange for an honest review.