Ships Lost At Sea: Why Men and Women Need Each Other

As a summer Bible study, my sister and I are reading the book “Lost Women of the Bible” by Carolyn Custis James. As we read, we highlight, underline, or bracket the passages that stand out to us. Then, we answer the study questions after each chapter. We talk on the phone once a week to discuss what we learned, and any other random thoughts that come to us as we chat!

In her book, Carolyn Custis James calls the relationship between men and women the “Blessed Alliance.” She says,

The clear message of the Bible is that God intended for men and women to work together. God put an exclamation point beside his choice of male and female. He blessed them before presenting them with their global mandate (Genesis 1:28). They are a Blessed Alliance. (pg.37)

During one of our discussions, my sister and I both tried to explain this model using the example of a ship. What interested me the most in our conversation is that we both saw the ship example in different ways.

Our basic premise was that every ship needs a rudder, no matter how small or discreet. No ship can effectively reach its destination, much less travel through the water, without the gentle pull of the rudder directing its motion.

Gentle Guidance

In this example, my sister saw women as the rudder, the gentle guiding force behind the actions of men. The visible outcome, most prominent in the home and church, is still that men lead women, but the influence of women is there, strong below the current of the water and often improving upon the way the ship travels.

As my sister explained her ideas, I thought about the story of Nabal and Abigail from the Old Testament. [1] Abigail knew Nabal’s actions were wrong and would bring ruin upon their household. She acted against her husband’s wishes, but in line with her conscience and convictions about how a godly women must act. She preserved the lives of her family and saved her husband from his foolish actions. She also kept David from unnecessarily taking human life.

Loving Decision-Making

I saw the ship as representing the way men and women make decisions together. Like the rudder of a ship, the husband in a marriage determines which direction the marriage ultimately takes. The husband consults his wife in all matters, but someone still has to make the final decision. The rudder, the guiding force, makes that choice.

My idea came from verses such as Ephesians 5:22-28:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

The same principle applies to the church. The elders of the church, godly men who shepherd, need the input of the women in their congregations. There is no question about it. God made man a suitable helper, and men should take every opportunity to value and utilize this gift. Likewise, women should provide encouragement and support to their brothers in Christ as they bear up the responsibilities of leadership in the home and church.

Our Conclusion

My sister and I decided that in the final outcome, we were both generally saying the same thing. Men and women work together to bring glory to God, to bear each others burdens, and to help each other become the best in each other. We both liked this wisdom Carolyn Custis James gives from the story of the flood,

One thing is clear. If [Mrs. Noah] didn’t stand with Noah, his job would be considerably more difficult, for he was soldiering alone. If she entered his struggles and got under his burdens with him, then his load was lighter, for the two of them were standing together against the world. (pg. 58)

A ship without a rudder would be completely lost, floating on the ocean without any sense of direction or purpose. God created both men and women in His image. Both have value, both have purpose, and both work to build up their churches, families, and communities–together. Men and women have important things to offer each other, and neither should be ignored or shamed for being who God created them to be. God called all of His creation good!

Without each other, we are ships lost at sea, but with each other, we can show the world how the relationships between men and women point to the glory of our God who exists in perfect unity–Father, Son, and Holy Spirit–working together to bring all His faithful ships into the harbor at last.

[1] 1 Samuel 25