I Am Pharaoh

A few weeks ago, I read about Pharaoh in the book of Exodus. Pharaoh is a man far from the Lord, who desires what he wants and will do anything to get exactly that. He breaks his promise to let the Israelites go over and over again, and does so at the expense of his own people’s comfort, and ultimately their lives. I started to think about what a modern-day Pharaoh might look like. A politician making promises he can’t keep or knows he won’t keep in order to get elected? A leader claiming to care for those under his authority while actually only caring for himself? A corrupt company leading clients astray with fake promises about their products? We can absolutely answer yes to all of these, but what hit closest to home for me is that in many ways I am just like Pharaoh.

I think Pharaoh wants comfort and control. He wants the Israelites to follow his commands, and he wants to show both the Israelites and his own people his power and authority. Pharaoh only cares about Pharaoh.

I think Pharaoh wants his projects completed. The Israelites made him bricks out of mud and straw, and Pharaoh forced them to work twice as hard, gathering mud for themselves, once Moses came to visit. [1] Pharaoh doesn’t want to lose the labor and service the Israelites provide for him. If he did, he might have to accept that his projects will never be finished.

I also think Pharaoh desires the reputation that comes from building a huge kingdom for himself. He wants other rulers to see him as a formidable enemy and a mighty king, an unparalleled force in the world.

Pharaoh wants control, completed projects, and status. He wants what he wants at the expense of his own people. Because of Pharaoh’s hardness of heart, he and his people face plagues including frogs, locusts, hail, and darkness. Eventually, each Egyptian family loses something of the utmost value: their firstborn child. [2] All of this because of one man’s selfishness and pride!

When I examine the story of Pharaoh, I see myself in so many ways, especially in motherhood and the way I treat my family overall. I want my family to act the way I want them to, a clean house that stays clean, and a solid reputation as a “good” mom. Sometimes, I want what I want at the expense of what is best for my family.

I catch myself using manipulation rather than discipline and shame instead of encouragement as I train up my little ones. I’m more concerned about how I can help myself instead of how I can help my husband. I seek out my own comfort instead of selflessly loving those around me. I want everyone to conform to my standards instead of pointing their hearts and minds to Christ.

I want perfection and cleanliness in our house at all times. The floors will stay swept, and the walls will stay clean. If either of them gets dirty, they better not stay that way for long because I just did so much work to make them look nice! If you do a craft project, your supplies will get put away immediately. Don’t even think about leaving those Perler beads on the table. I don’t care if you’re doing something special for a friend or trying to help your sister–put your toys away because I just organized them all! I strive for my finished projects to stay finished, even though this is an unrealistic expectation to heap on myself and my family.

I desire for others to view me as a “good” mom, and to seek out my advice when they see my great wisdom in parenting and perfectly ordered home. This concern for my reputation makes motherhood all about me. What do my friends and family think of my parenting? Am I micromanaging my children? Am I giving them too much freedom? Will I ever measure up? Whose standards am I even using?! There is no single definition of a “good” mom. When I take my eyes off of myself and look to Jesus for grace, patience, and wisdom in raising my children–the children He’s specifically given to me to love–I realize this and see the strain worrying about what the world thinks of me puts on my family and my relationship with God.

God calls me His beloved child and because of His lovingkindness and longsuffering, He draws me back to Him despite my stubborn behavior. I long to do good, but the feelings and actions Paul so accurately describes kick in: “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” (Romans 7:18-19) Later Paul reminds us, “Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24b-25a)

I am Pharaoh.

I make the same decisions over and over again, even though I promise not to.

Pharaoh, however, did not love God, and God judged the nation of Egypt because of his stubbornness and pride. The nation of Egypt and the nation of Israel saw God’s awesome power but also His redeeming love. [3] Praise God that because I am His beloved child I can rely on redemption through Jesus to cover my sins and give me grace to carry on. If you are His beloved child, you can rely on Jesus’ redemption, forgiveness, and grace too in whatever circumstances you face, motherhood-related or otherwise. He is with you, dear reader, and He loves you so!

[1] Exodus 5
[2] Exodus 11
[3] Exodus 12