When Reality Doesn’t Feel Real
Please keep in mind as you read this article that I am not a medical professional or counselor. In this article, I write strictly from experience. I aim to provide a few encouraging Bible verses and some practical advice about a symptom of anxiety, derealization. Derealization is not always caused by anxiety or PPD/A, although it is a common symptom of both. According to the Mayo Clinic, derealization can also be caused by traumatic experiences, stress, or an underlying medical cause. [1] If you experience derealization (or depersonalization, a similar feeling) and notice these feelings impact your daily life, please talk with a medical professional and a counselor (I recommend a biblical counselor) as soon as you can so you receive the care you need.
That just-waking-up feeling
Do you ever wake up from a vivid dream feeling disoriented and confused? The world might even look a little fuzzy until your eyes fully focus on your surroundings. Eventually that feeling of dreaming wears off, and you start to go about your normal, daily routine. Most of us know the difference between the feeling of being in a dream and living in real life.
Sometimes people who experience anxiety live in that just-waking-up state. The line between feeling like they’re in reality and feeling like they’re in a dream becomes blurred. We live in reality not quite believing that reality is real. This feeling is called derealization, and can be very scary.
I started to experience feelings of derealization along with my PPD/A after Ruthie was born. Derealization made daily living difficult for me for a long time. I couldn’t connect emotionally with many of the people closest to me. Everything felt distant and looked slightly out-of-focus. I kept hoping that one morning I would wake up feeling completely normal, but that morning never came. I felt trapped in my own mind. My symptoms began to ease as I read about derealization and met others who experienced the same eerie feeling. What helped me the most, however, was realizing that the gospel brings hope and healing to something even as strange and confusing as derealization.
What does the Bible say about derealization?
The Bible never specifically mentions derealization, but still has a lot to say about trusting the Lord despite feeling far away from the rest of the world.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths
Proverbs 3:5-6
As human beings, our understanding is fundamentally flawed. Even though most of feel like we live in reality, we only understand a fraction of what that reality is. God is infinitely wise and his knowledge is complete and perfect. When we start to feel like the world around us isn’t real, we must trust in God’s understanding instead of our own. He will make our paths straight even though we may not feel them beneath our feet.
And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
Colossians 1:17
The ‘he’ in this verse refers to Jesus. Jesus is before all things, and in Jesus all things hold together. God created the world through Jesus, and the entire world belongs to him. This doesn’t mean that Jesus’ substance is part of everything in creation. Rather, nothing would exist without Jesus’ sustaining power and love. Believing in Jesus is believing in reality. When we start to feel like the world is fading, we can still hope in Christ because he defines what is reality.
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39
Nothing can separate from the love of God through Jesus, not even the feeling that reality isn’t real. Derealization is just a feeling, and even though that feeling might overwhelm and terrify us, it cannot separate us from God’s love. We are never beyond his care. I cannot stress this enough, so I’m going to type those words one more time: we are never beyond his care.
Psalm 139 reinforces this truth so well.
If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,’ even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.
Psalm 139:9-12
I think we can safely substitute ‘the darkness’ with ‘derealization.’ God sees through the haze derealization creates. He finds us in those dark, blurry times and shines hope in our uncertain perceptions. Even if our derealization persists, our hearts need not suffer. Turn to Jesus, and you will find relief, strength, and perhaps most importantly hope. Hope in God’s promise to be with us always will bring us through the most terrifying emotional circumstances secure in Jesus.
How do you manage derealization?
First, talk with someone about how you’re feeling. The person you talk with about derealization may not completely understand the feeling you describe, but a good Christian friend or family member will pray with you, support you, and remind you of biblical truth. If you don’t have a close friend or family member to talk with, start by becoming more involved in your local church. God uses our church families as well as our earthly families to encourage us and carry us through dark moments.
You might also consider talking with a medical professional about other ways to ease your anxiety. I took medicine for a while, read some helpful books (see this post), and spent as much time as I could with other moms of young children.
Next, pay close attention to your immediate surroundings using your five senses. Try to describe how the sunset looks, including all the different shades of colors you see. Walk around your yard and feel all the different kinds of leaves on the trees or listen closely to whatever sounds you hear. Make eye contact with your children and listen attentively to everything they say. Take extra time to smell the shampoo you use or the food you eat. Find and observe all the details you can in your surroundings and try to enjoy the detail and beauty in the world God created. This will help you reconnect with the people and places around you.
Last, read your Bible often and memorize Scripture. If we truly believe God’s word is living and active, then we know God’s word will bring us the relief we need in the midst of trials. We learn about people in the Bible who experienced emotional crises similar to derealization, and at times these people, who loved the Lord, even despaired of life. We see God’s faithfulness as he answers their cries for help. [2] God’s word brings us peace as he reminds us that Jesus paid the price for our sins on the cross, and now intercedes for us in heaven. We have a great high priest who loves his chosen people. This is the hope and comfort we need when derealization tries to tear us away from the security we have in Jesus.
Conclusion
Derealization may be the scariest symptom of anxiety you will ever experience, but God remains faithful to his people no matter what happens. In my most challenging times, I learned to more fully trust and depend on God. He’s brought me a long way from those first moments of confusion. I don’t exactly feel like myself again, but I find joy in Jesus Christ, my family, and serving the Lord in what he calls me to do. Even if I never feel normal again, I know that just-waking-up feeling will end in eternity when I am fully awake and fully know the one who held onto me even when I faded away. [3]
If you are in the midst of derealization, anxiety, depression, or any other mental-health related situation, Jesus can and will bring you hope, healing, and joy. He is with the downtrodden and the downcast. He will never turn away those who seek after him. Come to him, and he will give you rest! [4]
[1] https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depersonalization-derealization-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352911
[2] 2 Corinthians 1:8-9
[3] 1 Corinthians 13:12
[4] Matthew 11:28-30
29 Comments
Megha
Thank you so much for posting. I feel better knowing that you feel better. That I. Not crazy feeling the way I felt.
Hannah
Thank you so much for commenting, Megha! I’m so glad you found my post helpful. Praise God for his good Word!
Hannah
This has helped ease my mind in a way, thank you so much for writing it! It helps to know other Christians are experiencing or have experienced what I’m feeling, I’ve experienced derealization once before, nine years ago and I know God will help me get through this again. God bless and thank you.
Hannah
Thank you for the encouragement, Hannah! I’m praying for you, sister. God bless you, too, and I hope the world returns to normal again for you soon!
Dance
Thank you so much for this! I experienced this feeling for the first time and felt like I was going insane! Especially when it makes you question your own religious beliefs and existence. I have to remind myself I was made for such a time as this and we will all get through this in Jesus name. He is real and you are real and we have a purpose
Kayla
Thank you for sharing your experience, I too experience this feeling and have been for the past couple of weeks consistently. The fear of it staying forever terrified me but reading this gave me strength. God bless you and everyone else experiencing it having experienced this nightmarish feeling. May God cover you and your family, I wish you good health and strong faith. <3
Hannah
Thank you so much Kayla!! I’m praying for you, too, sister. I’m so thankful for the strength we find in God’s living words.
Kayla
Hi, I feel the same way and it’s truly terrifying at times but just know you are not alone! You’re not insane and even if it feels like it’s forever, it isn’t. You will find peace <3 God bless you, may he cover and heal your mind and heart. 🙂
Hannah
Hi Dance! I’m so glad my post helped you! It really is a strange feeling, knowing that things are real even though they don’t feel real. I really like what you said: “I was made for such a time as this.” That’s a great reminder–Gandalf would agree :). And “we have a purpose.” I told myself this often during the worst of my derealization. I can bring glory to God simply by relying on him among the shadows.
Blake
Thank you for sharing this, I’m glad I’m not alone. I have been struggling with this for a few months now and it is absolutely terrifying. I was raised Catholic and went to parochial schools my entire life. You can only celebrate Mass for so long as a kid before running for the hills lol I have found relief with this condition through medication, mindfulness, but most importantly a revival of my faith. I took it for granted and I never should have stopped practicing in the first place. I find comfort in Jesus, scripture, and prayer. This verse has given me comfort Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Thanks again for this, I’ll be praying for all of you!
Hannah
That’s such a wonderful Bible verse, Blake! Thank you for sharing.
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Thengo Cha
God bless you so much
Hannah
God bless you, too!
Deatra Fleming
Today, is the 4th time I’ve experienced Derealization in my life. I’ve had a very traumatic past and I have been building a beautiful family. My husband is a kingdom man specifically assigned to me! My two boys are my joy and I get joy and peace from making home safe and fun and memorable for them. Today I woke up and felt it, this feeling I thought I had “beat”. I’ve been taking lexapro, ive been to grief counseling, I’m consistently in my word. I burn candles and play worship music or soft soothing music in my downtime, I love bubble baths, I mean I have been doing everything “right” to solidify my new identity as a mom and a wife and a follower of Christ. Not a tramatized little girl estranged from family and friends with a hearing impairment. And today I tried to keep my cool.. But I was so angry! “Father, why? Why do I feel like this? Is everything I’ve been working towards fake? Why can’t I just feel my feet digging into my reality?!” questioning and rabit holing.. Then finally I reached out to my husband and he didn’t understand at first, and so I was feeling very frightened and alone at this point until God literally entered the room, gave my husband the words to say and instructions to take care of me. And I finally got a minute where I’ve got a glimpse of normalcy and I wanted to put a label to this. I wanted to be connected to others, I wanted to know what God says about this because although this is my struggle.. The timing was pretty “suspect” in where God is taking my family. There’s been many distractions and monkey wrenched completely out of our control and I just want to let the enemy know, I STILL BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST. I STILL BELIEVE I AM A LIVING MIRACLE AND EVIDENCE OF GODS GLORY! I still am a wonderful wife and mother despite all that I’ve endured. My father STILL loves me and all of his children who battle with many different things.. You may be able to creep in with your lies and send people with negative characteristics to discourage our faith but you will NEVER, EVER be able to take my fathers LOVE and his PEACE from us. To all battling with diseases, mental issues, anxiety, grief, trauma, financial insecurities, stress, pain… I’m here with you brother or sister!! You FIGHT!! YOU HOLD ON TO GODS UNCHANGING HAND. No matter what it looks like. Don’t you dare take your eyes off of Jesus! Reach out for help even with wide eyes and fear and confusion, call his name. Call out the things he has done. Breathe, we got this!! I love you and thank you sooo sooo much Hannah! I love you more than you know! Thank you for being my sister and speaking to me! Thank you for encouraging me and pointing me towards God!! You have done a wonderful thing for my family and I today. I will keep this moment forever and remember, I’m not alone!
Hannah
What great encouragement! Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve told myself the same things you’ve told yourself so many times. It so important to cling to the truth of the Bible when derealization hits us. Love you and praying for you, too, dear sister in Christ. We’re in this together, and one day we’ll see Jesus face to face, and everything will be more real that we ever imagined! God is good!
Brenda Fernandez
Hi everyone! I have experience this about 11 years ago and through a lot of prayer and Bible reading and a lot tears and fears but trusting God I got out of it one day. Unfortunately I’m back for the second time. Work has me so stressed I believe it’s the reason I’m back on this on top of my health with really bad acid reflux. I’m constantly tired because my mind runs day and night. The only time I feel normal is in my dreams or if I am super distracted with something in the computer. I told my husband but he doesn’t say much and I just feel that by telling him I’m just taking him back to where I once was which he suffered so much with me so I dont tell him too much. I don’t want to tell anyone else because I don’t want to worry them or to think I’m going insane because In Jesus name I am not! I am a leader at church and I have alot I of responsibilities but I just need a long break from everything and at the same time I don’t just not to give in to what the enemy wants which is to freeze me. I am now finding out this thing has a name and that other People can relate. I don’t want pills but at the same time is horrible living like this. I cry and cry to myself but I’m holding on to Gods promises. I have 3 girls that are older 23,18, 16 and a brand new grand baby and I want to be able to enjoy them and not feel like this! In Jesus name we will all have the victory!
Hannah
Hi Brenda! I’m praying for you, and I hope sharing with us has helped you start to process through things! I found that my anxiety lessened the more I talked about it with people I could trust. Sharing my emotions meant they were out in the world instead of in my head. Journaling can help in this way, too. I also read a great book that helped me understand how to take care of myself from a spiritual standpoint and a physical standpoint. The book is called Refresh, by Shona and David Murray. The book is specifically written for women, and Shona practiced family medicine before she became a mom. David wrote a book specifically for men called Reset–my husband read it at the same time I read Refresh. Both books are on the shorter side and easy to read. Refresh has excellent biblical advice for women who feel or who have felt just like us! Much love in Christ, your sister, Hannah
Melody
I’ve been dealing with this for months now, it’s been so scary because I didn’t have who to turn to, I didn’t know what it was, and describing it to people hasn’t been possible, luckily I saw this, and reading it I was like yes, this is exactly how I have been feeling, Thank you so much for this, it really puts my mind at ease.God bless you!. I have faith I will get better soon.
Hannah
Hi Melody! You will get better! God is faithful, and all things happen in His good timing. I know exactly how you feel–I had so much trouble trying to describe how I was feeling to other people! Once I tried to describe it to a friend when we were out having coffee, and she asked if I was sure I should be driving. It made me smile. Of course I could drive, I just felt somewhere else. I’m praying for you, dear sister in Christ.
Jessica
I’m so happy I’m not alone. This brings me so much peace. I never got the chance to experience a normal life growing up and I’ve been Depersonalized since 2018. I felt like trauma ruined me and my life but with God’s help I keep fighting. I believe we’re all going to walk in miracles. Maybe by feeling less of ourselves it makes more room for Jesus. We aren’t abnormal, we are God’s normal. We are sensitive to things and that’s ok. I encourage everyone to ask Holy Spirit what your gifts are and to use them often for hope and healing. I admit, I need consistency in the word but somehow God draws me near. I miss my normal even tho I was never really normal but I’m grateful to be so close to God. Brother’s and sister’s we are overcomes. Jesus is available to help us heal however we need it. Cry, release stress, sleep, take warm baths, listen to Julie True soaking music, pray in tongues, laugh, dance, journal, reach out, self soothe, read God’s word little by little, drink smoothies and plenty of water, observe nature when walking or riding in the passenger seat of a car, look up, look head on into God’s eyes, worship, do nothing, vent, and ask for help at any point in time. But, never give up. Keep going, your life is a miracle. I love you all. God bless you Hannah 🙏 ❤
Hannah
Jessica, this is all so encouraging! I love how you said, “Maybe by feeling less of ourselves it makes more room for Jesus.” That’s so true. I’ve been thinking a lot about identity, and when we take our eyes off ourselves, we find all the identity we need in Jesus. It’s such a wonderful thing. I also find peace in nature!
JESSICA BONDS
*Overcomers. Typo 😂
Samantha
i was looking frantically for an article, a resource, anything that links depersonalisation to how God can bring us through it. I experienced one episode that was really off putting and defeating, and i’m truly thankful that i found this post written by you, Hannah. Through this i know i am not alone and God has the final victory. All these feelings shall pass. To all others who are experiencing this too, you are not alone. Let us bask in Gods peace that surpasses all understanding. Praying for the community. Amen!!
Hannah
Hi Samantha! I’m so glad you found my post! Part of the reason I wrote it is that I was in your exact position. You are definitely not alone, and God will guide you through whatever you’re feeling. I love the reminder that these feelings will pass. They will, and God will be with us through them all!
Samantha
Thank you so much for this post Hannah. I have been feeling this since April of this year. How comforting to know that I am not alone! This issue has gotten worse since September. I have been dealing with severe anxiety, fear, and depression along with insomnia. When Dance had posted her response and how it can make you feel insane especially when you doubt your religious beliefs and existence, this is exactly what I am experiencing as well and it is beyond terrifying :(! I am Born Again Believer, and the doubt of my relationship with Christ and my very existence has been beyond scary. Please pray for me! I will be praying for all of you as well! I am so thankful I found this post and your website, Hannah! I am subscribed. God Bless you dear sister! I believe God is still a miracle working God and He alone can bring us all through this storm! Jesus is good and worthy to be praised! ❤️
Hannah
Hi Samantha! I’m so glad you found my website, and thank you for subscribing :). I felt the exact same way you do–doubting everything–and, like you said, what is most scary is doubting your faith. Thank you for praying for me, and I’m praying for you as well! God is good, all the time!
Jocelyn Dandrea
im feeling the same right now, im scared it wont go away 🙁
sfurer1472
Thanks for this article! I have never heard of depersonalization. I have struggled with what this seems like for most of my life. Why has no one mentioned this before? I have counseled with Christian professional counselors, pastors, parents, friends and anyone else I could think of. Yet not a word about this!! I’m almost mad about it!! How could everybody be so unaware?
I have read this article several times carefully. Are there any other resources that you know of?